Luis Congdon on Building Healthy Relationships That Help You Grow & Thrive
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Today, we’re going to be talking about the art and science of building strong relationships. Now, your first inclination may be to think that there’s nothing “superhuman” about mastering relationships – but I would have to disagree. After all, the aim of “becoming superhuman” is to be a well-rounded, grounded individual pursuing excellence in every aspect of his or her life. Furthermore, if you consider that many of the world’s most successful and developed people attribute their success to strong relationships and support systems, it’s clearly a worthwhile endeavor to excel at building and maintaining them.
My guest for this episode is Luis Congdon, an expert in helping people form strong and lasting relationships. In this episode, we learn some very personal stories from Luis, who explains how he pulled himself up from a very difficult upbringing and a broken home in drug-torn Medellin, Colombia, and spent years training himself and contributing to the nation’s largest ever study on what makes human relationships work. Through his website and podcast, Lasting Love Connection, and through his popular retreats and seminars, Luis has helped thousands of couples reach better communication and understanding. He was gracious enough to share with us his deeply moving story, his thoughts on why a strong, healthy relationship is an essential part of becoming superhuman, as well as tons of really impactful and practical tips for achieving that type of relationship.
In this episode, we discuss:
- Luis' path from a broken home, to a yogic ashram, to becoming an expert in healthy relationships
- How interviewing for jobs he knew nothing about eventually yielded the perfect opportunity for Luis
- How “The Law of Attraction” influenced Luis' very challenging path, and his thoughts on what it means
- Positively re-imagining the past, and the importance of framing what has happened to us
- The most impactful (and simple) behaviors for building a relationship successfully
- The importance of the 7-to-1 ratio in relationships
- How a healthy relationship can improve your immunity, health, happiness, and performance (!)
- What is oxytocin, why is it so important, and can we really affect it with something as simple as a hug?
- Can any relationship be made to work with the right skills? And if so, how?
- How do we go about finding the right partner and knowing that they are right for us?
- The idea that we are different people depending on whom we're in a relationship with
- The “pickup artist” community, what works about it, and what doesn't
- What does it mean to tell “the minute truth?”
- What are the telltale signs of a healthy relationship?
- How do we help our partner grow without eliciting negative feelings?
- What books does Luis Congdon recommend?
Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
- The Law of Attraction, as mentioned in The Secret by Rhonda Byrne
- Dr. Paul J. Zack's research on oxytocin, and his appearance on Luis' show
- Coaching for Improved Work Performance by Ferdinand Fournies
- Swami Kriyananda, the guru that Luis followed for many years
- Research at the University of Oxford proving that “pickup” techniques really work
- Dr. Gay Hendricks and his books, including Conscious Loving
- The work of Drs. John & Julie Gottman, which Luis strongly recommends
- Dr. Gary Chapman and his many books
- Don Miguel Ruiz and his many books
- A free game and list of 47 awesome date nights offered for free by Luis
- Luis' website and podcast, Lasting Love Connection
- This episode's sponsor, Audible